It's Hard to Want to Try...

After several years that have gone by I got contacted by my Oma (German for grandma) about 2 weeks ago. It was great hearing from her but at the same time kind of hard. I kept wondering after all these years why does she want to contact me when she ignored me for so long. But of course I just talked to her through emails, giving her updates on my life, sending her pictures of her great grandson and my husband that she didn't even know either of them existed, and just kept it simple and small talk. Well today she wrote me telling me that she gave my mother my address and sent her pictures of me. She said that my mother cried of happiness when she saw the pictures and that she was going to write me. Now I haven't heard from my mother in a few years beings she has been in and out of jail due to drugs and just being plain dumb. She hasn't even tried contacting me. She knew where I lived, she had my number and everything and she never tried calling or writing or anything. But she is in my sister's life constantly, mainly because my sister is a druggie also. I have always been the black sheep of the family because I chose not to do drugs. The only time my mother spoke to me was when she was in jail when I was about 16 years old. Once she got out that one time (she's been in so many times) she stopped speaking to me and she just got right back into drugs yet again. Now my sister has a little boy, his name is Fabian and its sad to say it but I don't even know how old he is because I don't have any contact with my sister. But anyways, my Oma sent me a picture of my mother and my nephew Fabian...

 I can actually say that I cried when I saw this picture. I haven't seen my mother in years! My son has never met her, nor has my husband. But now all of the sudden both my Oma and her want to contact me? I tried for so long to get in contact with them and to have a relationship with them but they could have cared less about me. My mother wouldn't of even known what I look like anymore until my Oma sent her pictures of me and my family. I keep asking myself why should I even try anymore? It is so hard to want to try after how they ignored me for so long and how they just didn't care about me. I want my son to be able to have grandparents in his life as well as great grandparents, but its sad to say that I don't think that they deserve to have such a blessing in their lives. I miss having a so called family, but after crying and hurting for several years I have come to terms of not having a family anymore. So why give them a chance to hurt not only me but my family. It is so hard, I am trying to stay strong, I am just unsure of what to do at this point.